For the Moon
by Bemused Writer
Summary: It isn't easy, but parting was a necessary evil. Returning is the greatest privilege. Takes place in the CQL universe of MDZS after the end of the series. [LWJ/WWX]


**Notes:** While this isn't done in the first person, I still have LWJ referred to as "Lan Zhan" since it's from WWX's perspective.

* * *

Two figures stood side by side in the wilderness of Cloud Recesses, one dressed dark as night, the other bright as the moon that inhabited it, surrounded by a clear pool of water connected to two streaming waterfalls. It was a refreshing reprieve, wonderfully free of all the chaos they'd both been enmeshed in only a few days earlier. The trek up the mountain had been mildly exerting but Wei Wuxian had relished it, delighted in the way his lungs pulled in more and more crisp air as they'd gone until they'd reached the pool. He felt more alive than he had in ages.

You are indeed Hanguang-jun.

And you are indeed Wei Ying.

A comfortable silence enveloped them after that. They were words of understanding and acceptance, perfectly suited to the tranquil atmosphere before them.

Wei Wuxian drank from his bottle of Emperor's Smile while Lan Zhan contentedly observed the clouds as they passed overhead, heading for the horizon. It was cool—it always was this high up—but it was calm as well, and Wei Wuxian was glad their parting would be in such a familiar setting.

He glanced over briefly to take in Lan Zhan's visage. Now that things had finally calmed down, he could properly appreciate the subtle changes that had overtaken him during his sixteen year absence.

Overall, Lan Zhan hadn't changed physically whatsoever. He was still slim and graceful, his frame belying the strength running through him, and he was as youthful as ever, a sign of how strong a cultivator he was.

No, physically he looked exactly the same save for how he styled his hair. It was only his eyes that revealed how much had changed. That and the scars he bore on his back hidden beneath pristine robes.

Wei Wuxian internally winced at the memory of those scars. It was a heavy burden knowing how they'd been earned, a burden he was prepared to bear for the rest of his second life. He bit his lip gently as he considered that; the tranquil atmosphere felt more charged all of a sudden.

He wondered if Lan Zhan noticed the change. He was still studiously staring out into the wilderness, his eyes lowered, and Wei Wuxian was forced to admit that sometimes it hurt to look directly into them-they reminded him of how much he'd missed in his absence. All the pain Lan Zhan had gone through, that he'd been forced to bear alone, was criminal, and now Wei Wuxian couldn't be there for him a second time.

He looked away. Now was not the time for such thoughts or observations. He'd have plenty of time on the road to fall into a melancholic haze if he truly needed to.

Wei Wuxian heard the subtlest inhale of breath before Lan Zhan said, "You could stay here in Gusu. With me." The words were spoken as calmly as ever but the hesitation, the slight tremor underneath the words, pulled at Wei Wuxian's heartstrings the same way Lan Zhan's fingers plucked at a zither.

Wei Wuxian smiled at him fondly before taking another deep gulp of his drink. Now it was Lan Zhan who was refusing to meet his eyes; he stared out at the hurtling waterfall before them with an intensity that was nearly alarming. He let out a sigh of contentment after he swallowed and considered his words.

"The Chief Cultivator fraternizing with the Yiling Patriarch? Lan Zhan, you know it's impossible." It was a poor attempt at humor; there was too much truth in the statement for it to be amusing. As expected, Lan Zhan didn't laugh.

"Why?" He turned towards him, his lips drawing into a severe frown.

Wei Wuxian fiddled with his bottle, trying to sort through his thoughts.

"You know why," Wei Wuxian said gently at last. At Lan Zhan's stoic stare he elaborated. "What were the last two Chief Cultivators like, hm? Wen Ruohan and Jin Guangyao were both rotten to the core. One went on a rampage, the other quietly manipulated every clan. Now they have you, and if I'm around what will be the very first thing they say about you?"

Lan Zhan turned away, his frown deepening. "You have done nothing wrong."

Wei Wuxian let out a barking laugh. "Nothing? That can't be right. Besides, it doesn't matter. My reputation is in shambles. Yours on the other hand…"

"Also in shambles," Lan Zhan said quietly.

"Wrong," Wei Wuxian said with more force than he'd intended. He took a deep breath. "Word of your interactions with me is muddled. People don't know what to think but most would be perfectly content to accept it was a mere rumor and that the Light Bearing Lord is as pure and good as they'd always heard." Because it's true, he thought to himself. "It's what they need, Lan Zhan," he continued. "They need you without the shadow of the Yiling Patriarch hanging over your head."

"Then you won't come," Lan Zhan said in resignation.

Wei Wuxian nearly rolled his eyes. It figured Lan Zhan's stubbornness would only make itself known after he'd refused to go traveling with him. He'd be offended if it weren't entirely in character.

"You're not coming with me either," he said instead and with more bitterness than he'd intended. He looked away guiltily when Lan Zhan gave him a pointed look.

"Brother is in isolation. I must care for him."

"I know," Wei Wuxian said. He hesitated before adding, "I didn't mean that to sound… I know you have to be there for your people. I wouldn't get in the way of that. Lan Zhan," he continued in a rush with a touch of frustration, "I don't want this to be sad; I don't want us to argue. It's not forever."

Lan Zhan inclined his head in silent agreement but his brow was furrowed slightly in consternation and Wei Wuxian had a feeling he had touched upon a sore spot in more ways than one.

"Lan Zhan…"

"Next time," he interrupted, "will you…?"

"Stay in Gusu? I don't know." He wanted to ask if Lan Zhan would travel with him but the likelihood of his responsibilities ever allowing that were so slim it wasn't worth the effort to say the words.

Lan Zhan was staring at him with such profound emotion in his eyes Wei Wuxian was forced to look away. The amount he could communicate with his eyes alone was painful and he was looking at him with such … longing and anguish. This wasn't supposed to be sad. Hadn't he just said as much? Truly his eyes were his most dangerous weapon, far more so than Bichen ever could be.

But nothing in his life was ever that simple and their entire conversation was bringing up a subject he hadn't known how to grapple with for a long time, not when he was a teenager, not when he was the Yiling Patriarch, and certainly not as a reincarnated soul. He'd suspected Lan Zhan might have feelings for him back in Xuanwu Cave, had had that suspicion reignited with everything he learned in The Silent Room, but neither of them had ever said anything. It was almost too deep, too precious an emotion to ever name.

Wei Wuxian wondered if he was simply a coward. The Yiling Patriarch was too afraid of his own heart to simply admit to the one man that had stayed with him through everything that he might actually be terribly fond of him in turn.

"I'll give you three years," Wei Wuxian declared at last. "Some order will probably have been restored at that point and you'll have built up an untarnished reputation. We can meet up on the outskirts of Gusu on this day and see where we're at. What do you think?"

"I will be there," he said with quiet conviction. Wei Wuxian gave him a broad grin. Oh, Lan Zhan was as earnest as ever. At least that was one thing that hadn't changed.

Feeling melancholy beginning to tug at his heart he hastily drank once more. No, he wouldn't let sorrow get a hold of him now, not when they'd just promised to meet again.

When they finally parted on the outskirts in question, the sun bright before him and the land a clear expanse for him to traverse, it was difficult to keep his spirits lifted. The silence around him was deafening. Lan Zhan really wasn't coming with.

Now that he wasn't around to see, Wei Wuxian could admit to himself he was frightened. He hadn't been entirely on his own since the Wens had perished and he'd gone on a rampage in Nightless City. It was unsettling to say the least. He didn't have his own rage or resentful spirits to keep him distracted. It was just him and his own thoughts that persisted in thinking of the man he'd just left. Naturally, all he could think of were all the things that could go wrong. Something could happen to one of them, Lan Zhan might have to deal with would-be assassins, Wei Wuxian could die again—

He scratched Little Apple's ear as it gave a low whinny of concern. Animals were too good at picking up on emotion and Wei Wuxian was certainly emanating a lot of it in that moment.

But Lan Zhan had looked calm, serene even, he reminded himself. He could at least take comfort in knowing he trusted they would return to one another, presumably whole and in good health.

He considered his options. The next large city was a few days away but he could always send a letter to him when he got there, let him know how he was doing. He considered that for a moment. No one would dare read the letters of the Chief Cultivator, the Second Lord (and current head) of Lan, the Light Bearing Lord. Surely, that method of communication would be safe and Lan Zhan's reputation would remain unsullied.

His mind made up, he proceeded to do just that after he arrived, found an inn, and booked a room. It took a great deal of haggling, complaining, and some entirely shameful cajoling, but he eventually got a bargain and the innkeeper didn't ask him any pesky questions such as "Who are you?" No doubt he wanted nothing to do with him after that little scene. The truth was, Wei Wuxian didn't have to go to so much trouble; Lan Zhan had loaned him an absurd amount of money, but as such he wanted to make sure he didn't waste it.

He sat down cross-legged in his rented room-a quaint little thing with a low bed and basic table-and let out a groan as his joints ached. Surely it was too soon for such an affliction? He was only…

He blinked in consternation. How was he supposed to count his age, anyway? He didn't feel like he was nearly forty years old but the last birthday he could clearly recall he'd turned twenty-two and that had been with the Wen clan. Was he supposed to count the years he'd been dead? Wei Wuxian still felt … well, not like he was in his twenties exactly. Certainly he didn't feel youthful; he'd lost that sensation ages ago with the grind of life. He felt like he'd died and been reincarnated, frankly. The gap between one life and the next was but a passing dream; it had certainly left an impression on him, but nothing so concrete as life experience.

Sometimes he wished he could remember the afterlife. Most of the time he was glad he'd forgotten. All he had of it were the barest flickers of sensation and even that could be his own imaginings on the matter. But Lan Zhan… he'd lived through the whole thing. It had hardly been a dream for him.

He thought of sorrowful eyes containing wisdom and experience that Wei Wuxian had often thought surpassed his years but if Lan Zhan was nearly forty as well then … that was just life experience he'd gained over time. Time Wei Wuxian had missed.

He looked down at the paper, ink, and brush he'd gathered and suddenly realized he had no idea what to say. It was the same problem he'd encountered with Lan Zhan before. What was he supposed to say to someone who had done so much for him? Waited for so long? And asked for so little?

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. This wasn't supposed to be so hard. He just wanted to write a letter and let him know he didn't have to go through another three years of silence and sorrow.

Outside the window the moon was shining, spreading its pale light against his skin. He bit on the end of the brush consideringly. He'd always associated Lan Zhan with the moon: quiet, constant, beautiful, seemingly cold, keeper of rabbits. He smiled at that. Seeing him with the rabbits he'd rescued had given him no small amount of delight. He thought of it more often than he would readily admit whenever he was in a foul mood. Truly, Lan Zhan suited the moon very well.

He glanced back at the paper, feeling a spark of inspiration. Maybe that would do. He hastily mixed the ink, dipped his brush carefully, and began to write.

_Hanguang-jun,_

_Did you notice the full moon tonight? You'll probably get this long after the fact, but I'm looking at it now and it seems very close—not nearly as distant as one would think._

_I've been thinking about where I might go. There are more places I'd like to avoid than anything else but I think I'd like to be near water. I always enjoyed swimming._

_Keep me updated on how things go, will you? I'll wait a week here in case you decide to write back. And let me know if you ever need my help; it was remiss of me not to say so before._

_Wei Ying_

He'd debated the best way to sign. "Wei Wuxian" would have been more respectful, but if someone should open the letter they would recognize it right away. "Wei Ying" wasn't much better but at least he could say only one person ever called him that and only a few people knew it. As for addressing the letter, he had desperately wanted to write "Lan Zhan." But once again, if someone opened it, well, there was only one person who would dare refer to the Chief Cultivator in such familiar terms and just about everyone knew who it would be. Sometimes he cursed himself for being so outgoing in his youth; he'd never been subtle towards Lan Zhan even once and he was only now seeing how that might have been a problem.

He sent it the following morning and settled himself back into the hustle and bustle of the city. He taste-tested nearly every alcohol in a day and found himself regretting it almost immediately. The barkeep was thrilled. He ate as much spicy food as he could bear and finally fell into a deep slumber at the end of the day. Maybe he'd splurged a little more than he should have but he hadn't done anything like that in so long, not since he'd been a welcome member of the Jiang clan. He'd almost forgotten what it was like to be worry-free with food and drink readily available. He privately promised himself he'd be more sparing from now on. He was supposed to be saving the money, not spending it on frivolous items.

It was only at the end of the week, just as he was about to leave, that the innkeeper brought him a letter. It was beautifully adorned and Wei Wuxian let out a chuckle. Lan Zhan wasn't exactly making it subtle who it was from. The innkeeper gave him an accusing look. No doubt if Wei Wuxian was receiving letters of such status he had more money than he'd let on. He shrugged and gave him a sheepish grin before tearing into the letter.

_Wei Ying,_

_A week isn't long enough to receive a letter; bear that in mind as you travel on._

It figured the very first thing he'd have to say to him would be a critique.

_I saw the moon that night. It was beautiful._

_If you follow the river to the east you will find a good pool for swimming._

_So far my responsibilities have been manageable. I will keep your words in mind._

_Lan Wangji_

"He's actually more talkative by letter," he muttered. And yet, he still hadn't said all that much. It figured. He'd have to work on prying more information out of him next time; he wasn't going to spend the next three years without any interesting gossip whatsoever.

The following years continued much like that with Wei Wuxian spending prolonged periods of time in the wilderness until he eventually had no choice but to return to town. He always wrote a letter when he was there and waited for a response. He took Lan Zhan's advice and waited longer than a week, even though by that point he was always beginning to feel antsy. So far, no one had recognized him as the Yiling Patriarch, which was no small relief.

There was only one incident where he was nearly recognized and that was after he'd offered to help a family with an angry spirit. Needless to say, in order for him to actually help he'd been forced to use his "crafty method." He'd had the family whisked away so they wouldn't see (and wouldn't be put in danger) but one of the children had snuck out to watch.

No harm had befallen the child, thankfully, but she did ask some questions that took some intensely roundabout explaining to get out of trouble. The parents hadn't looked entirely convinced that the flute was just a regular instrument used to calm spirits, much like the Lan clan used, but they also had wisely decided they didn't care enough to find out whether that was the case.

He'd received a letter from Lan Zhan shortly after that, asking him to please be a little more discreet with his talents. The rumor mill was disturbingly efficient if the Chief Cultivator knew within days that Wei Wuxian had pulled on a few resentful spirits.

By the end of the third year he was filled with a nearly manic energy. He'd visited nearly every major sect, several smaller ones, had tasted all kinds of new foods, seen festivals, even meditated on several occasions, and now it was time to return. Traveling, he decided, had been nice.

He considered that as he meandered about the ledge where he and Lan Zhan had originally parted, Little Apple in tow. No, he reflected, nice didn't quite describe it. It had been necessary; he'd needed that time to sort through his thoughts, to catch up on some of his lost time. But he was now at a point where he knew the only way he could continue to heal, the only way he could rejoin the world, was if he was around people he actually knew again. And he knew Lan Zhan needed him. While he'd always been clipped whenever he spoke of his role as Chief Cultivator (no doubt in case someone intercepted the mail) Wei Wuxian had read between the lines.

Lan Zhan had had some difficulty in his newfound role. Wei Wuxian had anticipated as much; it was a very sociable role and, while Lan Zhan was many things, that had never been one of them.

He'd heard rumors that Lan Xichen had finally emerged from his exile, but he wanted to confirm it with Lan Zhan before he got his hopes up. He couldn't say what he was hoping for. Did he want to return to Gusu? Even now he couldn't say. Did he want Lan Zhan to travel with him? Certainly, but the lack of a solid home had begun to grate on him as well.

He twirled his flute, Chenqing, before finally playing a tune that was all too familiar. It was a tune that had seeped into the very marrow of his bones, filled his heart with sorrow and joy; it was the tune that had brought Lan Zhan back to him even when he'd been trying so hard to spare him his very presence.

"Wei Ying."

He immediately stopped playing, turned, and there he was, in radiant blues and whites.

No longer in mourning white, thankfully, he thought with a broad smile that was returned with a smaller, though no less meaningful one, from the man in question. Lan Zhan was always beautiful, and white fit his title well, but Wei Wuxian would be lying if he said he didn't think a little color did him some good.

He couldn't stop smiling. It hadn't been that long, not compared to his last absence, but it had been long enough. Lan Zhan stood poised as ever, neither approaching further nor moving away. Wei Wuxian took it upon himself to close the distance.

"You remembered the spot," Wei Wuxian said laughingly, spinning his flute in hand.

Lan Zhan gave a slight incline of his head, his smile broadening ever so slightly. They both knew Lan Zhan would never have forgotten, but it warmed Wei Wuxian's heart all the same.

They stared at each other for a while longer. It should have been awkward, would have been by anyone else's standards, but simply drinking in his sight after so long was more than enough.

"You look amazing," Wei Wuxian offered. It didn't do justice to how beautiful Lan Zhan actually was, but he would need several pieces of paper and some ink to manage that. Maybe I'll draw him another portrait, he mused.

Still, he should do something more. Their reunion shouldn't be so formal, no matter how much Lan Zhan enjoyed such things. Wei Wuxian had always maintained a bit of distance between them because he knew he wasn't overly fond of physical displays of affection but…

"Have you reached a decision?" Lan Zhan asked softly.

So, he hadn't forgotten Wei Wuxian's not-promise from three years ago. Wei Wuxian almost answered but he hesitated at the last moment and thought about what it was he really wanted to say and, more importantly, do.

"Mm, no, but there is something." He hesitantly raised his arms and gave him a questioning look.

Lan Zhan looked down at them in puzzlement; his brow was pinched slightly as he said, "You're in pain?"

Wei Wuxian gaped at him in disbelief. "What? No, why would you…?"

Had he really never … just hugged him? Had anyone ever hugged him? Surely A-Yuan had…

It suddenly seemed so absurd. Wei Wuxian had never withheld affection from anyone before. He'd given it to people who arguably didn't want it all that much, including Jiang Cheng, but he'd never once just held the one person who'd stayed by his side all this time?

"I'm such a fool," he sighed, before closing that final distance. He wrapped his arms about him tightly, grasping at the smooth robes that crinkled as he gripped at them, and settled his chin on his shoulder. Lan Zhan was surprisingly warm and smelled faintly of sandalwood and orchids. As much as Lan Zhan had had to support his weight during their journeys, he'd never noticed before. Granted, he'd usually been close to passing out, so he supposed he could be forgiven for that.

He didn't make a sound but Wei Wuxian could feel his surprised exhalation against his neck before he finally, tentatively, wrapped his own arms about him.

"How is it you've carried me so often but we've never done this before?" Wei Wuxian mumbled into the crook of his neck.

"Distracted," Lan Zhan murmured.

"I guess the decline of civilization is a bit distracting," Wei Wuxian mused, "but we had time enough. Your robes are very soft."

"Wei Ying?"

"Hm?"

"We should return to one of the cities."

"Yeah."

Neither of them moved. He felt Lan Zhan tentatively tug at his hair ribbon. He let out a huff of laughter; he supposed it was only fair after all the times he'd messed with Lan Zhan's headband.

He pulled away slightly to get a good look at him, though he didn't quite break their embrace. Lan Zhan's eyes were bright, almost moist, but he stared into Wei Wuxian's eyes with his usual calm albeit with a kind of wide-eyed joy he'd only ever shown when Wei Wuxian had drawn him a rabbit on a paper lantern so long ago. Wei Wuxian instantly felt regret that he'd made the man wait this long for so little.

He cradled his face carefully in both hands and, without even thinking about what he was doing, carefully pressed his lips to the headband in question. Maybe he was too much of a coward to speak the words, but he wanted him to know. After so long, he would be content with that much.

The steel attached to the ribbon felt cool against his lips and when he pulled away Lan Zhan looked … well, he seemed to be in a state of quiet shock. His eyes were wide, almost dazed, and he gave a harsh exhale all at once as if he'd been holding his breath. Perhaps he had.

Lan Zhan gripped his arms tightly, but he didn't seem upset. Quite the opposite in fact judging by how he'd suddenly developed a fascination with Wei Wuxian's lips.

Feeling emboldened by his attention, Wei Wuxian carefully tilted his face and slowly inched his way forward, giving him plenty of time to move away if it wasn't what he wanted. He stayed right where he was.

For a moment, the whole world seemed to go silent. He no longer heard Little Apple's soft snorts as it chewed grass off to the side, didn't hear the birds in the distance, the insects in the fields, didn't even notice how vast the landscape was. Every one of his senses honed onto Lan Zhan.

His lips were the softest Wei Wuxian had ever been graced with, his robes were smoother than a stream of water, and his hair was like silk. Lan Zhan wrapped his arms about his neck in an awkward movement on account of him still holding Bichen. Wei Wuxian settled his arms about his waist, drawing him closer, wondering at the divine simplicity of this action. When Wei Wuxian finally, reluctantly, pulled away, he felt as though he'd jumped off the nearby cliff his heart was racing so fast.

I actually told him, he thought dazedly. Sure, it hadn't been with words, but how else could it be interpreted?

Lan Zhan's eyes were closed, his lips still parted slightly. His face was the very picture of serenity and Wei Wuxian suddenly knew he'd made the right choice.

"Wei Ying," he finally said before taking a shuddering breath. His eyes opened once more. "Come back to Gusu with me." He sounded desperate, almost pleading. His eyes were bright with the sheer force of the emotion held within those words.

There was only one response to be given and for once Wei Wuxian felt confident in its delivery.

"Let's go, Lan Zhan," he said quietly. "I've missed you."

They took off in step with one another, Little Apple quietly following behind. He knew there would be further difficulties; the cultivating world hadn't settled down that much, but for now this was enough-they would see it through together.

Their next great adventure was over the horizon.

* * *

**Notes:** This feels a little rough to me, so I might fiddle with the wording here and there later, but I hope it was enjoyable! At first I was going to connect this to a larger story, but I ultimately decided I wanted to see a fluffy ending and that wouldn't have fit with the other story I'm working on. I'm looking forward to writing more for the fandom. ^^

Edited Oct. 15, 2019. Originally posted on AO3.


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